Women are crazy. But we lovem’. When they’re young, they want the bad boys. You know the ones – breaks the rules, built like a brick, quiet or even rude. Then women decide, “You know what, I can change him.” After a few kids, a couple of broken hearts, and, in some cases, a couple of ass whippens, they realize the nice guy they dissed years back was the perfect guy to begin with. And women have the power in the relationship anyway. At the beginning, whose in charge? You are! You decide if we get the number, if we go out, and if we get to dip our nuggets in your sauce. Am I right? But…after we “do the do”, there is a shift in power – a disturbance in the force if you will. Then we take over. We decide what restaurants, TV shows, and the freaky level of the relationship. Then we f**k up. We do one of the following stupid things: Cheat, not grow up, not look to the future, or simply have no goals or directions. In the end, the power is returned to its rightful owner.
Ya see, women are auditioning to win the role of wife. A role that looks great on the other side of the fence. What’s the old saying? The grass is always greener on the other side? Well there you go. So what do they do? They f**k like they never f**ked before! They do every position imaginable–from froggy style to doggy to 69, damn near doing backflips off the headboard. Then our dumb asses give them a ring, because we think this is the way it will always be. They are the perfect angels during the engagement. For the first year everything is great. Your all sore between the thighs, stomach muscles aching, and your sleeping like a baby. Then after that first year, (whoooooosh) tumbleweeds are falling out the coochy.
But, do you know what really bugs me out about women? The fact that they will stop giving their husbands or boyfriends sex then have the nerve to be shocked when they cheat. What the hell is that? We should not have to give up sex because they do, thats crazy! That should be in the vows – to have, to hold, to bang the living hell out of your partner! If you’re not gonna do it, then you should allow the other person to get their needs fulfilled elsewhere. You may say I’m wrong, but that’s false advertising and that’s wrong!
And do it like you want to. Don’t lay there like a damn doormat. Move something. Dance, pole dance. Put on some hooker boots and perform. If you can’t walk in them then limp your ass around the bedroom, but do it. Keep it crispy in the bedroom. Don’t look at the d**k all sideways when its time to go downtown. Enjoy it or let it go. Because there’s someone else out there that will. And orgasm! Quit thinking so damn much, “Am i doing it right , is he happy, I hope he can’t feel that bump.” Just do it! Roll your eyes in the back of your head and scream out your man’s name (or the Lord’s name, whatever does it for you). Make the neighbors jealous. I want the police to show up because the neighbors called them thinking I was killing you! Then after all the screaming, sheet ripping, sweating, biting, scratching, and huffing and puffing…do it again.
