Yoooo! My friend Noreen Hanson is hilarious but sometimes people just don’t think female comics are funny. I, for one, do. Talent is talent and funny is funny – no matter what it looks like. Check this blog and feel free to add your two cents worth! It’s for real and that’s what makes it funny so If You Wanna Be Funny, Just Don’t Be A Female Comedian!

Just don’t be a female comedian

On the eve of my first stand up gig a friend said to me, “Good Luck! I’m sure you’ll be great, just don’t be a female comedian”. Um…. W.T. fuck does that mean?  How in the hell am I supposed to do that.  He went on to explain, “It’s just that female comedians aren’t funny… but I’m sure you are an exception”.  Um… Thank you, I think.

Why Do Female Comedians Sucks?

I had never really thought about that. I had unknowingly gone through my entire life not realizing that there was a difference between male and female comedians. I figured that we are all people: Men, women, gay, straight, black, white – all the same (except for Canadians, they can be real douche bags). People are people, and you’re either funny or you’re not. I wanted to know more, to get to the bottom of this, so I decided to turn to an expert opinion.  While Oprah refuses to answer my calls since the restraining order incident, I turned to Google.  I decided to search “Why do female comedians”  and see where google would take it.  Google completed the statement to  “Why do female comedians suck”. Wow. Shit. Really google, I thought that we were friends!  Don’t we shop, search funny cat pictures, and watch porn together?

Do I Need Semen-filled Balls??

“Why do female comedians suck?”  That is quite a question.  Perhaps it could be the addition of ovaries that affect the section of the brain that create jokes. One could speculate that having breasts might hinder your delivery on stage, but I have seen a lot of funny male comedians that have much bigger tits than I do. Maybe, in addition to semen, the balls actually contain the genetic material that make you funny? If that is the case, is it safe to assume that if a female comedian were to suck and swallow, it would make her funnier? What if all female comedians, like female golfers, are lesbians?  Would they suck then?  That just seems to go against what Lesbians stand for.  Google and I then decided to search online for what it is about a man’s genetic make-up makes them funnier than women. I went to WebMD; they just told me I have cancer. I then went to ChristianMingle.com and they informed me that I was lonely and needed Jesus (however he was mowing my lawn and I didn’t want to interrupt him).  After several hours online (one hour of research, two hours of candy crush and countless hours of cyber-stalking celebrities) I discovered something.

Read My Blog

 How To Write jokes And Rock The Mic

Turns out that there is a huge percentage of the public that believe women aren’t funny. There have been negative written accounts of female comics dating as far back as 1695. Even fellow comedians including Adam Corolla and Jerry Lewis have made negative comments about female comedians. Part of me feels that I should listen to these two men, as they are experts in this field. They have both created an art form of not being funny.

After much thought, self-searching and a quick search of lesbian porn (I needed to cover all of the bases), I came to the following conclusion:  There are tons of bad female comedians, and there are tons of  bad male comedians.  Turns out that being funny or not funny has nothing to do with sex or race but in fact is a personal thing. To make a general statement about all women is just as bad as making a statement such as all Asians are good at math, that all black men have huge dicks or we should open the borders to anyone who wants to come in! These statements aren’t all true, I’m sure that while there are many smart Asians and well endowed black men (I would know), there is no way we should keep letting these damn Canadians in.  Damn Canadians with their stupid fake bacon and stupid fucking money that messes up our soda machines and shit…. but I digress. Truthfully, I think it seems that there are more funny male comedians, not because men are funnier, but because there are just more male comedians in general.  So that’s it, it’s a numbers game.  More often than not, at a gig, I am the funniest woman comedian there.  This is due solely to the fact that  I am the only female on the roster.  So that is it.  Numbers. Boom, do the math!  So to all those who still think that women aren’t funny, I say suck it bitches!  I plan on continuing being a female comedian, partially because I want to, and partially because gender reassignment surgery is way too expensive.  I am going to wear my femininity as a “Vag” of honor.  So, I guess the real question is, as a female comedian do I suck?  The answer is yes, but at least I am damn funny!

~ Noreen Hanson

Read My Blog

 So You Want To Be A Stand Up Comedian